I've failed

- Failed to let ameldA sleep at 9.30. It's bloody 11pm ald. It's been so for the past few weeks. Damn.

- failed to get her to move out to her own bed

- failed to get her go eat healthily,

- failed to get her to greet the elders

- failed to talk patiently with Amelda

- failed to let Ayden sleep on his own

- failed to stay calm always

Basically, I've failed. Big time

Probably will feel like shit later today

But I am still typing this. The sofa is bloody itchy and I am bloody irritated.

Just needed to type it down so later I'll move my tired and bloody irritated self to take out all the sheets and covers and get hubs to go wash them all at the laundromat. Bloody hell.

Dunno if he will have time or not. If not then I'll go on Thursday or something. Minus the hubs and the kids.

Bloody tired. Well, actually I'm thinking of a word stronger than bloody but I'm doing self censorship here. I dun use the word out loud or in black and white unless I'm majorly pissed. Well. Kind of close.

Not sure how I am going to survive the course next week if I am getting so little sleep. Sigh.

Right. I think I need to sleep. Will get about an hour or two if I am lucky. I just hope it is not just a few min before I need to get up again. Keeping the fingers crossed.....

It ain't fun at all at times..

So I am now a mother of two. Listening to the sounds of sleep from the hubs, daughter and son. Pretty amazing feeling. It's all calm when they all sleep. Kind of peaceful. It's pretty stressful when they are all awake. I get too highly strung up. Worried over so many things I really dun enjoy most part of the day.

Trying to take it easy and take things slow but it's tough.

I dun say many things. I prefer to keep quiet. It's does not mean I'm a pushover.

Anyway, the day didn't start very well and it kind of all went downhill. Sigh. Bad judgement calls were made and it went bad like it's all my fault. Was trying to accommodate but ended up making the day bad. I dun regret cooking dinner but I regret not insisting Amelda take a nap.

Anyway, I'm going for a 5 day sculpture workshop. I can't wait. It will be very interesting how I'm going to cope with hubs away at reservist. Oh well. Things will just happen somehow right? Haha.