Actions and words..

I know u are tired. I didn't exactly have it easy too. Dun always make it look like I messed up the house or that I intentionally left all the things undone.

I know I'm terrible at being a wife and mother but I really dun need that reminder. I'm defensive yes. Live with it. I cannot ignore all that vibes coming from u. I hate that feeling, that reminder of my father.

Guess coming from a less than perfect background has implications further than what we can imagine.

The year is coming to an end..

I'm not bothered by all that talk about the world coming to an end. Well, if it has to end, it will end. We will all be gone so why be bothered by it?

If it does then well, I am glad to say I have led a fulfilling life. Maybe I never learn from my mistakes year in and year out, but I have led life. Not sure if it is to the fullest but it has been pretty darn exciting, if I may say so myself.

Won some award by a stroke of luck, married a man who cooks, does laundry and makes me laugh, gave birth to a cheeky little girl who is pretty charming and makes me so happy, have great family support and a few close friends.. Well, I have to say I'm glad. I may be bad at work, am so disorganized I lose stuff and miss deadlines.. But one can't ask for too much.

As I always tell my hubby, take it or leave it.

2012 has been an exciting year. Why? I can't really remember. I think they say ppl become more forgetful after pregnancy because one really has so much more on her plate after having a child / children. Too many things to take note of. Seriously.

My back is aching and I can't sleep. Not sure if the pain and inability to sleep are correlated. Maybe.

Sigh. The year is ending. I have work to do. Sigh. Hubs is going to be on leave. Going to be difficult to find time to do work. Sigh.

Disappointed

How can one just go back on his/her words just like tat? I always thought it was one thing but ended up like another. Disappointed. It was agreed upon. It wasn't one sided.

Ppl change all the time. Just didn't think it would be so with this person.

Looks like this will not be the only matter. Sigh. Can't help but feel like it is all a lie.

Feel cheated. Damn.

Hard disk crashed

I should have learnt my lesson. I really should kick my ass for being stubborn. Why didn't I buy that bloody hard disk and store all my stuff in there?

Bloody laptop. U are new. I have treated u with reasonable care. Did u have to fail me so soon? Did u really have to? I even cleaned up my desktop and arranged all the stuff. Sigh.

Thanks YQ for trying to help. Sorry to have taken so much of ur time and to have u go hungry...

I am just plain unlucky.

I need to sleep. Sleep my sorrows away...

Yet another day

So the weekend went by in a flash. It's a work day again tmrw. Wonder if it is normal to feel like shit the nite before a work week? All the time?

I have to admit I have slacken. I have taken a step back and I'm not working as hard as before. I am very far behind my marking and I really need to buck up.

This week I am going to mark. Like really mark. I need to.

Sometimes I feel stifled. Stifled and bogged down with so many things, responsibilities and duties. When did life become so hard? It's way harder then before. There's pressure from everywhere.

I aim to please. I work my ass off to make ppl happy where possible. I try to lead by example. I try.

But I'm tired. F**king tired. I dun get to sleep properly. It's my fault. Always my fault. Do I look like im lazing ard not doing anything? Do I give the impression that I'm always skiving? Do I? Seriously?

Who can understand my pain? Yes, she is worth all the sleep I've lost. Yes, she is worth all that I'm giving up for. But I am only human. A human who needs sleep. I'm really suffering from the lack of sleep. I feel my bones shrinking, my teeth softening, my skin degenerating, my eyes losing it's sparkle and I'm slowly losing the ability to smile, to laugh, to look at the brighter side of things.

Why did no one tell me being a parent could be so tiring? Again, it seems like it's my own fault i'm so tired. Guess I got no right to complain then.

Well then, good nite world. Let's see how much sleep will I be getting tonight. Wonder if I'll be lucky?

The loves of my life